Cheoff

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Anatomy Of A Roast Dinner

“First catch your joint”

The recipe is here. Thank you to Tesco for that… but I’ll pass on your supermarket meat recommendation, thanks. As usual my purchase was made at Brown’s Family Butcher’s. Mild surprise was created by my request for silverside rather than sirloin. I’d decided that the tastes on offer in this recipe would compensate for any lack of flavour in a cheaper cut. Was that thinking justified? Read a little further, please... #suspense

Plenty of photos follow with a bit of text to identify various stages of the online recipe.

Onions, sugar, vinegar and bay leaves.

Garlic for rubbing and rosemary for remembr… chopping!

Herbs from Mum’s garden. I was cooking this as part of her 90th birthday celebrations.

Meat given the treatment… meatment?!

Joining the onions. Into the pre-heated oven.

Ah. Not in the recipe - bringing a half decent wine along is never a bad idea. A Brunello di Montalcino would have been a step up but, hey, it’s only for Mum, after all!

Open wine and check cork for contamination. OK, OK… cook checks contents further with privileged first swig!

Some time later and the main element is done. Apart from resting, of course. Take the joint away from the onions and cover with foil and a towel.

Filthy goodness remains!

Add flour.

Heat until flour is toasty.

Stir in stock and cook until you have something so groovy that it merits the name gravy.

Sieve pan gravy.

Keep onions separate and warm.

Work out your own timings for roast vegetables. Roast them in beef fat like I did… if you think you’re hard enough!

Plan for as many more ‘sides’ as you want. (No – I chose not to make the mash from the recipe)

Uncover the beef. Pour any juices in with the gravy.

Carve. If you suck that string it’s not a crime.

Plate up. We helped ourselves from cooking pans and foil on the kitchen worktop. Service!

GRAVY!

Reflect on success of meal. Reflect on being warmer inside. Reflect on the decision to bring only one bottle of wine...

The observant among you will notice that I didn’t make Yorkshire pudding. I’m mildly ashamed but it was an executive decision helped by seconding from all assembled diners. The meat was less flavoursome and not so tender as that from a less economically priced part of the beast. But, as expected, all the other flavour profiles made up for that. Next time I’d cook silverside slower and lower than this particular recipe. But the supermarkets would miss out again… I would still be off to my local butcher as usual.

Chef Bainbridge: Inspiration

Some things nag at you for a while. Yes, indeed. This one has been nagging at me for just over two years now… cripes!

The great thing about social media is that, in the midst of composing my own meanderings, I am occasionally brought up short by the presence of much more accomplished, purposeful and committed people. I was completely side-tracked by a tweet from BENEDICTS Restaurant Head Chef, Richard Bainbridge. Posted on a day which would not recur for another four years, it really appealed to my interest in the creation of menus, especially the more developed and thoughtful menus of people who have devoted their life to the challenge of providing food for which I'll gladly pay.

Posted on Twitter - 11:27 AM - 29 Feb 2016 - Giving a new meaning to 'Chefs Table'

Posted on Twitter - 11:27 AM - 29 Feb 2016 - Giving a new meaning to 'Chefs Table'

These few words accompany chef's picture:
"Spring is in the air !!! #inspiration @RestBenedicts..."

I scanned and scoured the picture until I was happy that I'd identified most of the books which Richard had chosen to use for his planning session.  This would be part of his 'spring clean' just nine months into opening the restaurant. It brought home to me the huge difference between what goes on in a professional kitchen and what I attempt at home. I will rarely plan meals for more than a week ahead, with a few extra considerations in the background for upcoming dinners with friends. In Norfolk a new season and new styles of cooking were being considered. Everything to be studied, embraced or rejected (maybe kept simmering for eventual use) and worked into new menus. With the added elements of deciding what is achievable, available, economical and viable in a commercial setting... not to mention having the confidence that the results of those decisions will appeal to diners. 

You can see from my unanswered question on the original tweet that one book at least remains a mystery (Yes, chef, I fully realise that you have a wealth of better things to do than slavishly review and respond to all social media... no offence taken!) but here are links to those which were definitely in the frame and on chef's desk at the time:

‘Heritage’ by Sean Brock
‘Relae: A Book of Ideas’ by Christian F. Puglisi
‘The Desserts of Jordi Roca: Over 80 Dessert Recipes Conceived in EL CELLER DE CAN ROCA’ by Jordi Roca
‘Daniel: My French Cuisine’ by Daniel Boulud
‘Bistronomy: French food unbound’ by Katrina Meynink
'Biota' by James Viles
'Sea and Smoke: Flavors from the Untamed Pacific Northwest' by Blaine Wetzel
'Atelier Crenn: Metamorphosis of Taste' by Dominique Crenn
'Kimchi: Essential Recipes of the Korean Kitchen' by Byung-Hi Lim
'The Nordic Cookbook' by Magnus Nilsson

I have some books with similar themes but none of those specific publications. 'Kimchi' is no surprise. At the beginning of each year food journalists are clamouring to predict what the trends will be for future months. In 2016 many had identified the fermenting of vegetables as a coming thing. This year one of the competitors from the most recent series of MasterChef: The Professionals has helped to put the fermented-related Kombucha in the spotlight (thank you Matthew Campbell). I'm pretty sure that neither Chef Bainbridge or Matt are really interested in 'trends'... but I expect they keep their options open in case a filthy great commercial deal to front 'flavour of the moment' comes along!

Trends alone will not provide the variety of flavours and cooking techniques which Richard offers. They might appear as an element but only if they complement and balance a dish. There might be other trends in the rest of the books on the desk but they would also distract from my main thrust here. Which rather forces me to focus on that thrust.

The reason I was brought up short by a seemingly simple picture was... erm, simple. I would love to have sat next to Richard on the day he took that picture for however many hours it took before he picked up a pan or a kitchen tool. If I was part of a group of keen like-minded cooks that would be great too. It would mean that Richard was running a session unlike any he has previously led except with his professional team. If any cooking ensued, fine. But, for me, it would be enough to join in the process of research and planning which ultimately leads to the creation of a brand new menu and deciding which excess exciting ideas are to be kept on the back burner.

Richard still offers demonstrations and gives talks. Here is his diary for this year. Much success and recognition have led to new commitments which have altered the complexion of courses run at Benedicts. So the chances of me sitting in on the creation of exciting new menus by this top chef are slim now. Maybe I should have contacted Richard two years ago to see if he needed a page-turner for 'The Nordic Cook Book'.

Maybe we should all message him now, two years later, and see if he might squeeze in a day which allows us to watch a magical menu being born.

A cookery class without any cooking isn't everyone's dream ... but it's an idea which I would love to see happen.

Tossers Everywhere

Jay Rayner always seems good value for money to me. Not that I’ve ever parted with cash to see him or listen to him. Doing either or both of those is still a perfect possibility as I am often tempted by his tours of the ‘Ten (food) Commandments’, 'Dining Hell' and his concerts with the Jay Rayner Quartet.

Lots of other opportunities to enjoy his critiques and food journalism, of course, with radio, TV and newspapers providing regular relatively free access.

I never tire of his flagrant self-promotion on Twitter but I do rather prefer his occasional barbed posts revealing a grumble and a gripe which usually merits a follow-up. Here is the latest Rayner Rant to catch my eye.

Not too much response came on that one. A nipple-twister was mentioned and, naturally, someone wanted them to be outed. No-one gainsaid the Burton-Race condemnation. I decided to delve a little. Some would find strong elements of ‘tosser’ in a chap who has given up on two marriages and goodness knows how many children. But I’m sure Jay Rayner bases his censure on more than criticism of an individual’s private life and opinions.* “There but for the grace of any god who doesn’t exist...” as Mr Rayner and I would say. And since we agree on that one, I obviously had to discover a different angle.
* Well, maybe not

A visit to the Burton-Race restaurant website disappointingly gave me immediate results.

This is a restaurant where you can enjoy Michelin-starred cuisine at the highest standard while feeling completely at ease.

Now I am as guilty of exaggeration as the next sixty-six year-old adonis who hasn’t yet traded in his stud card for a free travel pass. But the choice of words which greeted the casual enquirer after Torquay tucker didn’t so much stretch a point as lay out a lie and say, “Go on, challenge that if you dare.”

I dared to challenge…. and found so little resistance that all was resolved and returned to a semblance of honesty within twenty-four hours.

A shot across the bow

A shot across the bow

The dull thud of clarification

The dull thud of clarification

Before and After

Before and After

In those twenty-four hours the restaurant gave up at least one Michelin star which it had never been awarded. Misrepresentation could have come from an over-zealous employee but I know that a talented chef wouldn’t dream of being so out of control of his business. Therefore, I conclude that John Burton-Race merits the tosser tag. He shall retain it until such reasonable time has elapsed in which he shows signs of continuing to do much better.

Since my intervention the website has had a bit of further review and the content is, apart from a few grammatical errors, in much better shape. No suggestion that Chef Burton-Race is necessarily cooking for you – but I’m sure he has had input which will add interest to your dining… tinged as it will be by elements of tosser.

‘Tossers Everywhere’ demands more than one tosser. I’ll do my best to reveal some others. This will continue to focus on restaurants and chefs. So I feel compelled to add at this point that I spend a huge amount of time verbally defending the wonderful, harsh, often dangerously teetering hospitality industry and I continue to willingly pay out around 20% in gratuities to the vast majority of establishments who prove so often to be utterly magnificent.

The tossers I identify next are intimately connected to that magnificent world. Like me, they visit it as paying customers. Specifically, in my region, they pay to eat at ‘Winteringham Fields’. And a lot of those are honorary tossers since they insist on believing that they are dining at a Michelin-starred restaurant. I must point out that the restaurant does nothing to overtly encourage them in that respect. The area has no Michelin stars. Even a Bib Gourmand escapes ‘The Fields’. Colin McGurran’s team certainly get their knife and fork icons highlighted in red. This means that they are good enough to be under consideration for an upgrade. Which is why I am disappointed by the regular reports from so many whose understanding is that they have paid for and enjoyed Michelin-starred cuisine at the Winteringham venue. Two Michelin stars disappeared along with Swiss chef, Germain Schwab, fifteen years ago. Ignorance is bliss, I guess. And since I’ve never personally corrected anyone I am guilty of helping to perpetuate that ignorance... maybe with misplaced kindness. I know that staff there at present have the capacity for stuffiness which extends to rude disdain for diners. The restaurant featured on a Gordon Ramsay TV venture some years ago and he was quick to identify the fact that customers were oppressed by over-zealous and fawning servers. Subsequent snippets of Chef McGurran on GBM only suggest that he leads by example. I’m not encouraged to conduct a costly test of my strong suspicion that tossers abound in the kitchen and around the tables in the Scunthorpe countryside.

Having mentioned the Ramsay name I might as well confirm that he hovers over all in my pantheon of culinary tossers. His “Idiot Sandwich” may be a spoof video made in support of charity but it reflects far too closely the way in which he chooses to present himself. It is such a vile image that I allow it to take precedence over any of his stunning accomplishments in cooking. I made a pineapple dessert from his sumptuous ‘*** CHEF’ volume ten years ago. I’ve never felt seriously inclined to reference the book since.

Allow me to introduce the tosser who came to my mind as soon as Mr Rayner got this whole party started. All the way back to late 2013. Lurpak UK’s Facebook page had attracted my attention and I was getting notifications of new posts. I don’t remember exactly what prompted me to try out the ‘Search Google for Image’ facility but it opened up a can of worms… a can of tossers, I suppose. After emailing about thirty mainly North American food bloggers I received confirmation from just about all of them that their photographic work had been appropriated and used without permission by the Lurpak page. It was pretty much open season as far as they were concerned. Even Jamie Oliver’s food stylist and photographer was not spared.

Emails from Lurpak explaining their behaviour as an “oversight” were pretty much laughable. Is it an oversight to deliberately crop out the watermark of someone’s work? Amber Parkin assured me that “… we will endeavour to be more discerning in our image choices and review our sign off process.”

I found out that this cavalier (that’s another word for acting like a tosser) behaviour was overseen by ‘Outside Line’, a digital agency which had already been acquired by Saatchi and Saatchi but was still run by co-founder Ant Cauchi. Incidentally, I was pretty disgusted to discover that they also handled Andy Murray’s digital marketing at the time.

Eventually I was contacted from the very top of the tosser totem pole… by Mr Ant Cauchi himself. His offer of a face to face meeting at which he wanted to explain “… how we work with partners and media owners.” was dripping with enough slime for me to discard it immediately. A simple admission that he promoted an environment where people are encouraged to steal intellectual property was obviously beyond him.

By early 2014 the Lurpak site was unrecognisable. A wholesale review of practice had transformed their Facebook posts. The page was awash with credited photos and recipes with links to many of those aforementioned food blog sites.

By the middle of that year it appeared that the positive changes might be sustained when Holler won the digital business account. “The incumbent was the Saatchi & Saatchi agency Outside Line, which did not repitch.”

I am happy to think that I might have prodded a company into moral and ethical behaviour which had been seriously lacking under Mr Cauchi’s watch.

Let’s lighten up and move from total tosser to transient tosspot, shall we.

A couple of weeks ago self-confessed pastry deviant, Calum Franklin, was alerted to the very strange apparition of his work on Jason Atherton’s Twitter and Instagram feeds. An odd orangey filter was no barrier to many recognising the achingly careful skills on display in a Holborn Dining Room product. The hashtag #analpastry, although off-putting, does seem appropriate.

Someone always seems to record things for posterity. The offending twit (tweet) captured.

Someone always seems to record things for posterity. The offending twit (tweet) captured.

The Twitter alarm bells were heard at The Social Company and all was soon smoothed over. 

Jason Atherton. Embarrassed, contrite, apologetic... hopefully not too apopleptic.

Jason Atherton. Embarrassed, contrite, apologetic... hopefully not too apopleptic.

I don't think anyone lost their job over this one but I don't think it's likely to happen again soon.

Right, I'll be busy for the next couple of days. I need to trawl through the posts I've published here over the last three and a half years to check for squeaky-clean attributions, provenances and permissions given... tossers everywhere, you know.

 

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