I got a little cross on Twitter last night when I saw this tweet from Giles Coren.
So cross that I ‘Retweeted’ it with my comment.
Yes, I got a bit too cross and resorted to a little rudeness. Twitter has expanded its opportunities for explanation and/or sinking deeper into babbling numbskullery. But 240 characters still did not give me space to elaborate on my indignant reaction to the Coren encouragement to break a law designed to protect and preserve human life. Debate on other channels might have allowed a civil discussion about UK law and justice (which are, of course, two separate things). Anyway I pressed ‘Retweet’ and, dear reader, I retired for the night.
A response came while I was already being wafted to places of which I have no recall except that they completely failed to disturb my slumbers.
I’m guessing that, even within more relaxed Friday night rules, the Coren kiddywinks, Kitty and Sam, were already tucked up in bed. Which means that Giles’ wife, Esther Walker, was there alongside him as he responded to me. That accounts for the ‘we’ in his reply. There must surely be no suggestion that Mr. Coren was alone and should be substituted into the old joke about Margaret Thatcher’s conceit…
There were many ‘Likes’ for that Coren comeback. They appreciated his restraint and three added their two penn'orth.
”Excellent retort, Giles.”
”Rock on Giles! Rock on...”
”Or you could call him a twat?”
A trio of stage door fans.
I spotted the notification to that reply and had finished reading it. Just enough time to reflect on Mr. Coren’s affable retort when I was more seriously distracted by another alert - to my ’Messages’ box. This is a rare occurrence in my own small Twitterverse. I remain bemused as to why well over three hundred followers bother me so little. You can imagine how eagerly I accessed this rare Direct Message.
Please be assured that I am made of reasonably tough sinew and am threaded with many strands of mental resilience. But my pause before sharing Mr. Coren’s message is to allow those of you with lower defences and higher sensibilities the chance to duck out now.
I was ‘Unfriended’ by a couple of people on Facebook a few years back for pointing out the irresponsibility of allowing a family pet to sit alongside a car driver and paw them. My Direct Message, purporting to be from a respectable journalist, was a reaction which went a lot further… to insult and beyond.
The timings on display strongly suggest that, at the same moment Mr. Coren was reassuring me with promises of moderation in his response, someone had breached his Twitter account and was intent on thrusting a libel my way.
The ‘Mr. Coren’ I was now dealing with had abandoned the suave, persuasive and intelligently accomplished attributes of the award-winning writer we all know. I am not a wizard in the realms of technology but I am confident that I can rely on the support of trusted family and friends with the skills to track down this counterfeit Coren. I imagine the real Coren (with the full backing of his adoring employers) is anxious to find and fall upon whoever is responsible with the full force of a legal team which will administer a bayonet thrust of correction. The crunching confirmation that Giles Coren could not have been involved in this cowardly online attack on me is manifest in one thing alone. The real Giles Coren is far too proud and grammatically correct to have omitted the hyphen in ‘rat-faced’.
Facebook millions were recently compromised and the Tories had a seriously flawed app reveal contact details of MPs. Mine is yet another example of invasion - let’s be honest… thuggery - in the world of social media.
I remain impervious (I’m hoping mild trauma dissipates reasonably quickly) to the falsehoods expressed in the DM above but if anyone else out there has any suggestions for a speedy resolution of this appropriation of Mr. Coren’s identity and foul slur on his character I, for one, would be very grateful on his behalf.
In the meantime I will form closer links with Giles in order to identify the utterly vile person responsible for taking such advantage of him. Anyone who chooses to libel me in this way defames Mr.Coren at the same time.
Such people are the lowest of low-life.
Let’s start to turn over stones and find them in the dirt where they lie.
UPDATE Sunday 30 September 2018
As you were. After posting the above in a mixture of shock, disbelief, resentment and somewhat disconcerting good humour, I have become a little clearer on the situation.
I challenged Mr. Coren to draw upon whatever genetic advantages he might possess. For clarity, I specifically meant those genes passed on by his parents. This was a pointless and silly suggestion since I spend much time encouraging people to make their own choices in order to become the person they feel happiest with. My censure of those who break speed limits was lost.
I firmly believe that Giles Coren was not ‘hacked’ and presents as the person you see in the tweets and messages which I have captured.
If his location detection is accurate, Mr. Coren travelled to spend the weekend with his mother after he libelled me. So the ‘we’ of his first reply remains open to interpretation. He did, however, continue his abuse during that time with his mother… this time directed at Michael White.
I have learned this and other information by beginning to follow Mr. Coren on Twitter. This has made it obvious to me that I was attacked by a serial abuser. An abuser who shows little sign of real reflection, much less remorse. There are suggestions from others that his behaviour might be due in part to the effects of drugs. Even if that were the case, though no expert, I can identify many lucid intervals in Mr. Coren’s written submissions.
In view of this I call upon him to use a sufficient amount of that lucidity to correct matters between us.
‘Miserable’ and ‘rat-faced’ can be dismissed. ‘Cunt’ is an understood particular use of a word which I am trying, with some success, to avoid using. It casts more disfavour on the user than on the receiver.
Giles Coren calling me a child molester is a libel which I will not tolerate.
Mr. Coren, I demand that you retract your assertion unreservedly and apologise for it.
Please discard wit and intelligence and simply do something clever.
We can then continue to triumph or make mistakes as we wrestle with life and grow in whatever direction we choose… maybe causing less and less hurt to more and more people.
And I would be so at peace as to wish Giles Robin Patrick Coren at least another eighteen years to live as long, and be as flawed, as I am today.
Let us see.
FINAL UPDATE (promise!) Sunday 30 September 2018… after watching the first #Strictly elimination
Here is the complete copy of my contact through Direct Message with Mr. Coren.
After some internet searching I was already clear on the libel/not libel business. The self-professed habitué of libel complaints has, no doubt, been crystal clear on such matters for much longer. So, no apology. But “… that ridiculous made up slur” concedes the point I wanted to be made. I readily admit to sharing that slur in an attempt to show the mark of the man who is Giles Coren. And I readily admit to the fact that social media is already littered with hundreds and thousands of examples of that mark.
I now consider the whole thing at an end. Unless, of course, any of you wish to contact Mr. Coren and inform him that, in a direct physical confrontation, without any enhanced training, I could very easily take him with one of my arms behind my back… and with both of my legs up his back passage.